Wastingyour time on the internet efficiently.CultrVultr [at] CultrVultr.comMobile Version Tumblr (3.0; @cultrvultr)http://cultrvultr.com/<p>I made up these terrible vegetable-themed one liner jokes with some help from friends! They work best if you say them out loud.</p> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Which vegetable has animals in it?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Zu-cchini</span><span> </span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>Which vegetable got left home alone by it’s parents and then had to contend with burglars using only common household items and the coolest Walkman on the planet?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Mcauli-flower</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What&#8217;s the most pressurized vegetable?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Pump-kin</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What&#8217;s the most incontinent vegetable?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Leek</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What&#8217;s the most incontinent fruit?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Peach</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What&#8217;s the most emotionally stagnant vegetable?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Rut-abaga</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What&#8217;s the best vegetable for cheerleaders?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Rut-abaga</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What&#8217;s the flattest vegetable?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Squash</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What&#8217;s the most unfashionably 90&#8217;s vegetable?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Rad-ish</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What&#8217;s the most sympathetic vegetable?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Carr-ot</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What&#8217;s the most destitute vegetable?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Po-tato</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What&#8217;s the douchiest vegetable?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Bro-ccoli</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What&#8217;s the douchiest fruit?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Blackberry</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What&#8217;s the best vegetable for BBQ?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Chard</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What&#8217;s the best vegetable for pool?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Cu-cumber</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What&#8217;s the best vegetable for a burglar?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Caper</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>Which vegetable cracks under pressure?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Eggplant</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>Which vegetable describes the center of the earth?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Corn</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>Which vegetable describes an oatmeal restaurant</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Mush-room</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What&#8217;s the official vegetable of the Iditarod?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Mush-room</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What&#8217;s the official vegetable of rest stops during the Iditarod?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Snow Peas</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What&#8217;s the best vegetable for a funny retort?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Snap Peas</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What&#8217;s the loudest vegetable?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Snap Peas</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What&#8217;s the best vegetable for happy hour?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Gin-ger</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What&#8217;s the deepest vegetable?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Bas-il</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What&#8217;s the best vegetable for decoding XML?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Parse-ly</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What&#8217;s the richest vegetable?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Mint</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What&#8217;s the richest fruit?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Apple</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>Which vegetable is good at scrabble?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Spelt</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What&#8217;s the worst vegetable in a chinese restaurant?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Baby corn, I hate that stuff</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>Which vegetable was snubbed by a woman?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Rue-barb</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>Which vegetable do you find in prison?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Cel-ery</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>Which vegetable is having a bad hair day?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Frisee</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>Which vegetable invented the internet?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Al-falfa</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>Which vegetable shouldn&#8217;t have stayed at that Youth Hostel and ended up in a cooler of ice?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Kidney beans</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>Which vegetable fasts before Easter?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Lentil</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>Which vegetable shows up to the party unexpectedly?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Turnip</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>Which vegetable do you want to see in the lost and found?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Turnip</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>Which vegetable doesn&#8217;t need caffeine?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Pepper?</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>Which vegetable gets dizzy all the time?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Spinach</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>Which vegetable is a Fox news anchor?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Spinach</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>Which vegetable am I wasting?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Thyme</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>Which vegetable is like the center of your hand?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Hearts of palm</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>Which vegetable puts mayo on their fries?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Brussels sprout</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>Which vegetable makes a good floor?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Ok-ra</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>Which vegetable tells funny jokes?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Ja-lapenos</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What vegetable is all dressed up?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Collar-d greens</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What vegetable scored a touchdown?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Endive</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What vegetable went into space?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Rocket</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What&#8217;s the most rhythmic vegetable?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Beet</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What&#8217;s the best vegetable for getting around town?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Cab-bage</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What&#8217;s the most boring vegetable?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Fresno Pepper</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What&#8217;s the best vegetable for Simon &amp; Garfunkel haters?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Art-i-choke</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What&#8217;s the best vegetable for amateur painting exhibitions?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Art-i-choke</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>Which vegetable makes the best hummus?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>A Jerusalem artichoke</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What&#8217;s the vegetable Zooey Deschanel wears?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Garb-on-zo</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What&#8217;s the best vegetable for a hot dog?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Mustard greens</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What&#8217;s the best vegetable for french fries?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Ketchup, obviously</span></li> </ul></ul><p><span>Fruit Jokes</span></p> <ul type="disc"><li><span>What&#8217;s the most Hollywood fruit?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Starfruit</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>Which fruit do horses like best?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Straw-berries</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What&#8217;s the manliest fruit?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Mango</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>Which fruit is most like a foot?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>To-mato</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>Which fruit do sheep like best?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Ba-nana</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What fruit best describes a currently-attacking Shaolin monk?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Fuyu</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What&#8217;s the most depressed fruit?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Blue-berry</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What fruit has laryngitis?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Rasp-berry</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What fruit loves reggae?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Ras-pberry</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>Which fruit is like a treehouse?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Bosyen-berry</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What&#8217;s the most comfortable fruit?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Cherry</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What fruit best describes humanity?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Olives</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What&#8217;s the best fruit for Conan O&#8217;Brien fans?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Coco-nut</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>Which fruit is good at limbo?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Loquat</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>What&#8217;s the shortest fruit?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Loquat</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>Which fruit hates Australians?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Kiwi</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>Which fruit can wear bow ties?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Nec-tarine</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>Which fruit rows a boat?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Or-ange</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>Which fruit likes Wheel of Fortune?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Elder Berry</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>Which fruit misses it&#8217;s loved one?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Pine-apple</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>Which fruit is only a liquid?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Snapple</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>Which fruit speaks Chinese?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Mandarin</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>Which fruit is a dinner and a movie?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>A date</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>Which fruit had a non-traditional wedding?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Cantaloupe</span></li> </ul></ul><ul type="disc"><li><span>Which fruit is like two rabbis?</span></li> <ul type="disc"><li><span>Jujube</span></li> </ul></ul>http://cultrvultr.com/post/21885138169http://cultrvultr.com/post/21885138169Thu, 26 Apr 2012 18:07:39 -0700<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lsmt3mKhwi1qz4gavo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>(via Headbones <a href="http://www.iheadbones.com/who_professionals.html" target="_blank">earbud alternative, open ear headset, earbuds for office workers, headphones for work or office</a>)</p>http://cultrvultr.com/post/11093882185http://cultrvultr.com/post/11093882185Wed, 05 Oct 2011 23:38:10 -0700<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lsan1jHiVj1qz4sr8o1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p><a href="http://azspot.net/post/10884345501" class="tumblr_blog" target="_blank">azspot</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/300530_2183990113431_1057325634_2512483_1111942435_n.jpg" target="_blank">David Horsey</a></p></blockquote>http://cultrvultr.com/post/10893547186http://cultrvultr.com/post/10893547186Sat, 01 Oct 2011 09:43:02 -0700<embed type="application/x-shockwave-flash" src="http://assets.tumblr.com/swf/audio_player_black.swf?audio_file=http://www.tumblr.com/audio_file/10530664296/tumblr_lry0xzC3is1qz4gav&color=FFFFFF&logo=soundcloud" height="27" width="207" quality="best" wmode="opaque"></embed><br/><br/><p>Part of a set recorded live at Nuits Estropical / Alchemia / Krakow / 30-11-10</p>http://cultrvultr.com/post/10530664296http://cultrvultr.com/post/10530664296Thu, 22 Sep 2011 14:27:35 -0700<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lrwil3uAbV1qz9bu3o1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p><a href="http://peterberkman.tumblr.com/post/10507152431" class="tumblr_blog" target="_blank">peterberkman</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>saw this earlier and was like ‘probs says something stupid’ but now reading it and see it is kewl</p></blockquote>http://cultrvultr.com/post/10510673417http://cultrvultr.com/post/10510673417Wed, 21 Sep 2011 21:58:10 -0700<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lrusnkhhe71qz7v0zo1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p><a href="http://filthyphil.tumblr.com/post/10470400663" class="tumblr_blog" target="_blank">filthyphil</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>Math. Not even once.</p></blockquote>http://cultrvultr.com/post/10473757187http://cultrvultr.com/post/10473757187Tue, 20 Sep 2011 23:02:49 -0700<embed type="application/x-shockwave-flash" src="http://assets.tumblr.com/swf/audio_player_black.swf?audio_file=http://www.tumblr.com/audio_file/10407619157/tumblr_lrs6sgdr8B1qz4gav&color=FFFFFF" height="27" width="207" quality="best" wmode="opaque"></embed><br/><br/><p>♪ Listening to Alkibar Gignor – Allah Baoudou on exfm</p>http://cultrvultr.com/post/10407619157http://cultrvultr.com/post/10407619157Mon, 19 Sep 2011 10:48:16 -0700<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lrkgncnuxh1qz4sr8o1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p><a href="http://azspot.net/post/10309903214" class="tumblr_blog" target="_blank">azspot</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="http://www.cagle.com/working/110914/sherffius21.jpg" target="_blank">John Sherffius</a></p></blockquote>http://cultrvultr.com/post/10320647263http://cultrvultr.com/post/10320647263Sat, 17 Sep 2011 10:04:51 -0700<a href="http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2011/09/gordon-ramsay-dwarf-porn-double-found-dead-badger-set">Gordon Ramsay's Dwarf Porn Double Found Dead In A Badger Den</a>: <p><a href="http://tumblr.absono.us/post/10222671251" class="tumblr_blog" target="_blank">whitneymcn</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>The headline gets you to click through to see what the gimmick is, but a moment later you realize that <em>you’re reading a legitimate, factual article about Gordon Ramsay’s dwarf porn double being found dead in a badger den.</em></p></blockquote>http://cultrvultr.com/post/10230692207http://cultrvultr.com/post/10230692207Wed, 14 Sep 2011 21:21:58 -0700<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lqv2yrw7ud1qz4gavo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://cultrvultr.com/post/9677171857http://cultrvultr.com/post/9677171857Thu, 01 Sep 2011 13:44:51 -0700<iframe width="400" height="323" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/XE4aRTXGN0s?wmode=transparent&autohide=1&egm=0&hd=1&iv_load_policy=3&modestbranding=1&rel=0&showinfo=0&showsearch=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br/><br/><p>Try doing this with your pancakes (by <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XE4aRTXGN0s&feature=player_embedded" target="_blank">recxion37</a>)</p>http://cultrvultr.com/post/6965823299http://cultrvultr.com/post/6965823299Sun, 26 Jun 2011 22:44:12 -0700<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ln2nw4IvpI1qz7v0zo1_400.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://cultrvultr.com/post/6723475686http://cultrvultr.com/post/6723475686Mon, 20 Jun 2011 07:59:25 -0700<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmi3t3p1mW1qearaqo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>The 80s in one picture</p> <p><a href="http://awesomepeoplehangingouttogether.tumblr.com/post/6424690790" target="_blank">awesomepeoplehangingouttogether</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><strong><span> </span></strong></p> <p>Pee-Wee Herman, Rodney Dangerfield and David Lee Roth</p> </blockquote>http://cultrvultr.com/post/6495438194http://cultrvultr.com/post/6495438194Mon, 13 Jun 2011 12:20:23 -0700<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ll5oob1It51qzq4qro1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p><a href="http://tanya77.tumblr.com/post/5461742313" target="_blank">tanya77</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p>“Pump Yo Breaks” Los Angeles</p> </blockquote>http://cultrvultr.com/post/5502932752http://cultrvultr.com/post/5502932752Sat, 14 May 2011 23:21:33 -0700<iframe width="400" height="325" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/noSo5io0JLI?wmode=transparent&autohide=1&egm=0&hd=1&iv_load_policy=3&modestbranding=1&rel=0&showinfo=0&showsearch=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br/><br/><p>The Greatest Speech Ever.</p> <blockquote> <p>…another golden quote: “<span>After nine major surgeries encountered while fighting bulls, I began to put together the dog and monkey act and concentrated on comedy.  I wanted an act that no one would forget in rodeo and felt performing with three dogs and three monkeys would accomplish my goal.”</span></p> </blockquote>http://cultrvultr.com/post/4857985376http://cultrvultr.com/post/4857985376Fri, 22 Apr 2011 22:01:48 -0700<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljlkdtlBEO1qz4sr8o1_400.gif"/><br/><br/><p><a href="http://azspot.net/post/4581781859" class="tumblr_blog" target="_blank">azspot</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="http://www.farleftside.com/2011/4-13-2011.html" target="_blank">The Far Left Side</a></p></blockquote>http://cultrvultr.com/post/4607217350http://cultrvultr.com/post/4607217350Thu, 14 Apr 2011 07:20:14 -0700“The US budget is like a 1st grader playing Oregon Trail. Spend all the money on ammunition so you can shoot at stuff, then wonder why your wagon is falling apart and everyone is dying of dysentery…”<br/><br/> - <em><a href="http://www.reddit.com/r/politics/comments/glqji/the_us_budget_is_like_a_1st_grader_playing_oregon/?limit=500" target="_blank">Malhavoc430</a> (via <a href="http://azspot.net/" class="tumblr_blog" target="_blank">azspot</a>)</em>http://cultrvultr.com/post/4488894797http://cultrvultr.com/post/4488894797Sun, 10 Apr 2011 04:09:13 -0700<a href="http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,2064039,00.html">This year, we cut $75 million in homeless veteran benefits, but promised $27.4 million for NASCAR sponsorships</a>: <p><a href="http://onthechanggang.tumblr.com/post/4448999905" class="tumblr_blog" target="_blank">onthechanggang</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>Priorities! Our fine nation’s got ‘em!</p></blockquote>http://cultrvultr.com/post/4460979383http://cultrvultr.com/post/4460979383Sat, 09 Apr 2011 03:33:06 -0700<script src="http://www.vbs.tv/vbs_player.js?width=480&height=270&ec=hwYnZjMjrhMygQlepgM3-gOV0wHRb5sI&st=Behind%20The%20Seams&pl=http://www.vbs.tv/watch/behind-the-seams/mexican-pointy-boots" type="text/javascript" charset="utf-8"></script><br/><br/><p>Pointy Boots</p>http://cultrvultr.com/post/4351884575http://cultrvultr.com/post/4351884575Mon, 04 Apr 2011 17:06:40 -0700<a href="http://www.jonbaken.com/theoctagon/">The Octagon</a>: <p>Jon from George and Jonathan has a new concept album called THE OCTAGON. Click the link to enter a mysterious world of crunchy synths and Carl Sagan chords.</p>http://cultrvultr.com/post/3894972577http://cultrvultr.com/post/3894972577Wed, 16 Mar 2011 00:08:48 -0700